Tired of my own humour and insecurities

Sometimes, I get tired of my own humour and insecurities. I’m fed up of making the same jokes when I meet new people. I’m fed up of looking at my own stupid insecurities and making them into bigger problems than what they are. I’m tired of (occasionally) allowing hypocrisy into my life. I’m fatigued from falling flat on my face with new ideas that just don’t work out BUT I don’t want to change. Why?! It’s through these exact rollercoasters of emotions, trials and tribulations that I do get results. That might not work for everyone, it’s a human specific criteria but I fit that criteria like a piece of meat (or a veggie burger) fits in a sandwich bun!

My ass wants to give up sometimes

My ass wants to give up too sometimes. I don’t like that failure feeling. I loathe the lethargy that lingers when you get hit with that laziness. I hate it! What can I do?! The questions I ask myself … What can I do? What can I physically and mentally do?

Sometimes I can’t do anything. Sometimes doing nothing and laying in bed for ten or fifteen minutes just contemplating life and simultaneously taking deep breaths is the BEST damn thing that I can do! Perfection isn’t possible. Aiming for that is like me aiming to be the richest person in the world with the most humble life. It’s a contradiction and a stupidity. If I was rich I can tell you right now I’d have a car, a business (or ten) and I’d be eating organic all the time! People with humble lives don’t even own their home and they don’t have luxuries. If they’re eating organic it’s because they grow their own food not because they have a bank balance that can order the best coffee from the other side of the world or request to get fresh OJ from fresh oranges over the courtyard in a mansion from across the seventeen other mansions on their street! Now, I am NOT a money maintaining maniac. I don’t have any of that but what I’m saying is perfection isn’t real. I want to be the best that I can be and I KNOW that even that will be nowhere near perfect.

Dreams aren’t a reality or are they?

I’m super sure that we all know people that do dream and those that don’t dream but step on your dreams, right?! I’m going to be super honest and let you know that those people exist in my very own circle! It’s very hard to keep pushing forward when people keep on pulling you back. It’s like a stress and strain equation except I don’t know if I’m a stress or if I’m causing myself the strain!! Let’s take right now as an example, I’ve made some tough decisions over the last year with regards to my career and happiness and I’m still trying to figure out if they’re good ones. I don’t know for sure if they were right now. All I know is they were made with good intentions and there have been some vital lessons learned and some amazing moments that I wouldn’t have been afforded otherwise. What I do know is that I now have some ideas and opportunities that I didn’t have before, for sure. I also know that financially the last year hasn’t been great. I can admit that. The money train hasn’t always kept flowing. You know, I used to look at savings like something I’d like to have however something that wasn’t entirely necessary. Almost as if having savings was an arrogance. I don’t like arrogance and even though I possess a slight hint of it in my personality, it’s not an attractive trait in any relationship whether in the workplace or in your real personal life. That changed. Some stuff went down and then I realised that savings aren’t an arrogance, they’re a damn necessity! Not just for your own ass but for those you love and care about. Anything can happen and although I do believe money doesn’t bring you happiness, I do believe that it can get you out of trouble. If you have an emergency and you need to go somewhere,money will buy you petrol or a train ticket. If you’ve been feeling unwell or having issues, money can buy you healthcare options. If you hear that someone is having a hard time then that same money affords you the ability to improve their mood with a gift. Money is not a right total solution to everything but it IS a solution to SOME things. Don’t let other people dampen your financial dreams because they can’t see outside of the vicinity of where they sit their own financially dependent ass!

Human but different

“Girl you might have a prettier face and a purse to match it but you still do that same doo doo and it smells too! Do you understand me?!” – Lady at Waterloo station.

I am different and you are different to me. We’re all human but different. Race, colour, socioeconomic backgrounds…. Whatever?! That’s not the point. If you are a human then you have that basic intelligence innately pre-set in you to know that you are different from the any other human. Even twins are different! You have to realise that your circumstances and life situations call for a specific set of decisions and courage. Some people have to be courageous about their working hours because of their familial responsibilities. They have to sacrifice time with their families to provide for them. That’s hard but it’s a necessity for them. Some people have health issues and the courage for them is getting through each day without losing hope. We should all abide by the law of getting through each day without losing hope. It’s just magnified for those less fortunate, not only for those with physical health problems but mental, emotion and financial troubles too.

My ass is not giving up today

Who knows what the future holds?! I don’t. I can plan and persevere however much I want but I still don’t know what the future might hold! I don’t know. It’s not about that though!!! It’s about giving yourself a chance. It’s about enjoying the moments and making certain sacrifices so that if you are afforded a future on earth… You can do things and you can make a difference positively for yourself and those that you love. Even better if you do something for the world! I have felt fatigued and worried recently. I’ve even had to go to the doctor about it. I was so anxious and in a perpetual state of overthinking, it probably made that entire couple of weeks worse. I got past it with a little bit of vitamin supplementation (as advised by my doctor and a blood test), a little ionic positivity and a gratefulness that you only seem to feel when you feel like crap haha!

I’m super grateful and wanting to be happy. I still have my insecurities, my list of issues and concerns. I also have hope, people that love me and a want to do great things boosted by a motivation that burns like the midnight oil. That’s four to three. A good ratio for the positivity in me. I’ll take that and I’ll run with it! Whatever that it is that is going for you and there’ll be something, use it and take it to go get you places! Tell me where you go too because not only am I here to share with you my personal journey but I want to know where you go too.

Peace.

The movie and me

Well I know enough to know that if your first name is Chris the Hollywood gig is probably yours to lose. Loads of Chris’ in Hollywood 😂

I recently watched a trilogy. I watched the whole thing! I usually watch at most maybe the first film and then the last one. I’m not usually a filmie. I was never into TV or films at a young age. It’s strange that I actually watched the whole thing. Anyway, this trilogy….The first one inspired me. The second one left me questioning whether the message I took away was obvious or have I over thought it?! The third one raised so many questions and then seemingly tried to answer them with the goal (or the idea behind the story) of the first film. It was great. You see I’ve been writing a lot recently and as such, been thinking a lot. Films are provocative at some level irrespective of the quality or genre. For example if it’s a diabolical comedy then I’m going to reference it against a great comedy. If it’s an amazing thriller then I’m going to reference it against other thrillers. Needless to say (as I ramble on) that these films have provoked a lot of thoughts internally. You have to understand a few things though:

A) I’m not a film buff

B) Before watching this film I didn’t have a favourite film

C) I’ve never watched The Lion King or Star Wars or any of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies so my view on quality is very raw and basic. I say that because every one I meet seems to have! I’m… Very newbie like.

However, recently I purchased amazon prime. I’ve been flicking through it occasionally whenever I’ve sort of felt like it. This particular film I saw pop up in the ‘what to watch next’ recommendations and I’d ignore it. I must have ignored it four times before I finally played it! I honestly thought that this would be an exit after thirty seconds kinda thing. In fact, it turned out the first thirty seconds (to a minute) had me. I was there. I don’t know how the opening scene captured my attention and I can’t sum it up other than to say I like watching objects move at pace. There’s something about moving objects that fascinates me whether its planes, trains or roaring cars. It just so happens that this movie starts off with exactly that. From that moment I had to watch on.

The movie itself

It’s a movie about a woman who sets out to travel from point A to point B. Point B turns into point Z with lots of mini stops along the way. Totally unplanned. Superbly spontaneous. Slightly irresponsible. I love the thought of being able to indulge in not giving a shit for a short while. It’s a fantastic lesson in life when you decide to live in the moment. I’m not talking about being stupid. I’m talking about putting things that can wait in a waiting list and embarking on new adventures randomly. Adventuring out is a thrill filled with joys and disappointments. Happy moments tinged with a slight hint of questionable decisions. Laughter silently applauded by the moving clouds. A moment for the memory bank. A bunch of lessons that you learn that you simply couldn’t learn with premeditated structure. Structure is great. It’s what keeps the building standing. It’s what keeps a hospital running. It’s what makes the economy boom when it’s right. Although, a little bit of a loose structure now and again for the human mind is a liberating experience.

My take

The art of spontaneity is an art indeed. It’s so subjective and prone to mistakes that that’s what makes it so easy to love. In this movie, she doesn’t expect this journey to be an opportunity for anything other than her goal at the start. It was supposed to be a journey to see family and friends. Simple. The route of her journey was most definitely something that would set the benchmark for her adventures moving forward. Not so simple.

She was young, somewhat naive and very independent. Her naivety was balanced by her wit and her wisdom on living life. The world was her oyster and she could see the good in it but at the same time, she called up on the BS. Very funny and witty. Very emotional and heartfelt. Lots that I could resonate with and nod my head to. A lot that I didn’t understand and yet, I wanted to.

The journey the movie started in my life

Sometimes, you read something or watch something and you’re sure that you’re enjoying it. You’re sure that it’s a good ‘un and you’re hopping along the journey as the story unfolds. If it makes consistent sense we’ll say it’s great. Even when it doesn’t make sense we’ll still say it’s still great because we’ll forgive the bad as the rest of the story is so good! In this film, I was so captivated by it, I could almost imagine myself being there in the shadows of her every move. It wasn’t solely about enjoyment. It was understanding and laughing along. My sympathies followed her in the problematic moments and my applause followed for the conveyance of a complex character so comfortably portrayed. Maybe, it was so good because she wasn’t really acting. Perhaps, that is her in real life and she just got the gig to play herself! It doesn’t matter. That’s not the point. The point is that I now have a favourite film. I liked it so much that I watched the other two. I never do that!

Social media thievery

People kept walking through that stone structure. This was the most solitary picture I could get 😂

These days people see an old house or a tall building and they dismiss it. It’s not impressive anymore. You can see all of this on Instagram and on various social media platforms wherever you are. You could even be on the loo if that’s your thing! (I personally wouldn’t go there but I’m sure people do) Why would you be impressed seeing it in real life?! I love social media in the main. I have Instagram and Twitter profiles (have a peek if you want 😉) and I believe social media is a great modern tool but it does steal something away from us. It steals a bit of our imagination. I like to think about what certain cities or towns might look like and then one day, by accident I’ll stumble on a picture and my imaginary vision is trumped by the reality. The fun would’ve been finding out in person not over a five inch screen! These days people find excitement in sky diving or bungee jumping. Essentially, people now find enjoyment in doing things that risk their life. The great saving grace for this first part of the trilogy is that the first movie is set in the nineties away from the social media boom. Mobile phones weren’t an attention grabbing distraction. People carried cash and walked to the shops instead of jumping in a car to drive a mile down the road to pick up a loaf of bread. People visited new places with just their intelligence and perhaps, a paper map. The best thing… People enjoyed learning and experiencing new adventures. People found new things exciting because they were new! They hadn’t seen or heard of them before.

Buffering in real life

The discovery process for the character was a sped up one. It’s like the buffering stage was supposed to be much longer and someone, somewhere knew about fibre optic broadband before anyone else knew about it and they boosted the whole process for better and for worse. The character benefitted from it greatly and simultaneously was dealt a poor hand at times too. The great moments came with a few slaps. She knew that that would be what would be and I commend her attitude and bravery for following through regardless. It’s kind of hilarious and at the same time, not funny at all. The contradictions throughout the movie added to the the humour. The sadness was hovering over an arch of humour and the humour fizzed around the sadness. I loved it. There are times I want to give her a high five and at other times a slap on the wrist. It amused me to no end.

My London Journey inspired by her

After watching the films, a week or so later I travelled through to London. It wasn’t an unplanned trip and I did have other commitments to attend to however, I allowed myself the time to travel on a journey of my own. I didn’t intend on sightseeing and in the past, I have a little on a few occasions. This time I committed to giving central London a good walk through. The weather only helped keep me jovial throughout the walk. I had a blister and I wasn’t feeling a 100%. I was a little bit tired. I’d had a difficult time the previous day. It was strange. I still felt good. The sky was blue. The breeze was a soothing sound. In fact, I wrote in real-time while I was sat on a bench and you can read that below;

It’s completely gorgeous it here in London today. There’s a lovely breeze, a blue sky and a subtle warm sunshine. Absolutely gorgeous. There are children with parents and grandparents. There are young people and older people. There are even older older people. It’s wonderful seeing the river of smiles and the calming waves of water at Southbank. I’m so glad I sat down and I can just enjoy it.

London Southbank February 2019

The hustle and bustle of footsteps and laughter surround me as does this gentle, calming breeze. It’s a quiet sort of hustle and bustle. The kind that I like. The weather looks like it’s really hot but it’s not. It’s deceptive however, it’s a good deception. It’s a mood boosting deception and I for one, I’ll take that. You don’t have to worry about too much perspiration in this kind of temperature and the aesthetics of the sky lead to an abundance of inspiration. It’s a winner winner!

Book stall under the bridge 🌉

The people only want to enjoy their day. It’s very clear with the chit chat I can hear. Lots to be happy about. The weather is beautiful. There are street performers, ice cream vans and food stalls. There’s even a book stall here. People just want to enjoy their day. So do I.

To think or not to think

I personally feel like it’s put my thought process into a revolving circle. It’s got me questioning a lot of things and perhaps, yes, it’s because I’ve been writing a lot recently. The littlest occurrences spur on the biggest ideas. It’s a delicate thing this thinking business. You don’t want to think too much. Headaches are not nice. Although, a little bit of extra thought does go a long way whether that’s in your career or personal life. It’s like adding up brownie points for yourself. Someday and somehow they will come back to reward you. I believe that. I really do!

The character in the movie, she’s very smart. Almost too smart. Her intelligence can lead to self doubting because she analyses everything. She questions every occurrence. She wants to find an explanation whether logical or not for every little thing. I can relate. Perhaps, not on the intelligence spectrum but most definitely on the thinking and qualifying why certain things happen. While I was walking around through the streets of London and over many bridges (I lost count) I remembered how much I had to be grateful for. I took a few deep breaths staring out into the water. It was a wonderful feeling. Something I haven’t felt in a long time. I wasn’t particularly thinking about or doing anything. I felt a sense of calm that I didn’t know I needed to feel.

We all carry some chips on our shoulders. We all do. It’s a human trait to feel pressure or strain. It’s natural. It’s expected. What we do with that difficulty is up to us. Careful and considered reminders are a good thing. We all know that we should drink water and be healthy. Do we? Not always. We all know that we should we should relax for our own mental health. Do we? Again, no, not enough. We know a lot of things and we don’t always follow through on them. It always irks me how people are irritated if you offer any advice or reminders because they’ve heard it before. I’ve heard a lot of stuff before too. It’s not a bad thing to reinforce positive advice or information. We are human at the end of the day. We lose our way. It’s good to keep yourself reminded of what to do as well as what not to do.

The movie and me…

I’m aware that I haven’t specified which particular movie set it is that I watched. I don’t feel the need to. This post is more about how this character, she allowed me to let spontaneity back into my life. The journey that her soul travels on combined with the physical pit stops along the way encourage my belief that the growth of a human being doesn’t exist through only mental means. Moving though life physically, mentally and emotionally through challenge and adventure is a great way to mature. You learn. You enjoy. You endure. You better. I love that.

Levels to good and bad decision making

There are levels to good and bad decision making. You can make many good decisions and a single bad one can spoil things. Let’s say you are allergic to a specific type of food and eliminating it from your diet has stopped the oily skin, the bad stomach upsets and the need to have to run like the Flash to the bathroom every few hours! You’d feel great. Then one day you see this particular food (in all its taste tantalising glory) at a buffet or a party and you help can’t but submit yourself to a plateful. The next day and the following week you’re dealing with the repercussions. That’s not nice. In the opposite fashion, you could make a handful of bad decisions and a single carefully considered good decision could be the start of something great. Kind of like deciding to drink more water. You might notice that you have less headaches and you’re not as hungry/craving for snacks throughout the day. Your skin looks better. You’re not thirsty all the time (obviously) and after a few good weeks of following through on this, you actually feel a hell of a lot healthier! Totally a woohoo moment. That’s the kind of change we want. The happy and positive kind!

It’s a difficult art this decision making. Nobody said it was easy. For example, let’s say your goal is to quit sugar for a month (great video here about that) and you go three weeks without even blinking near anything remotely sweet but on the twenty first day you eat three big bad sugary cookies! (I’m not really a cookie fan but that’s a whole other story. I’d probably end up eating a load of pink wafers personally haha!) Basically, now you would feel like crap. You couldn’t sugarcoat the act. It would be fair to say that it was a poor decision, however, that poor decision can be a one time thing or you can turn it into a train wreck of bad decisions. If you decide to forgive yourself and move on, continue with the intended journey and maybe, add a day on to atone for that slip in the road then it was one poor decision being cleared up with a combination of good decisions. That’s the right way to go about it. That’s the mature way to approach mistakes and poor judgments. Acknowledge your mistake. Revert to a better attitude. Focus on your initial ambition. End of! Of course….. You could go the other way. Once you’ve come down off of the sugar high you could exaggerate the poor decision and guess what?! You could give up! That’s not the right way to go though. All you would be doing is levelling up on bad decisions! That is not a route you want to take.

When you break the promises that you make to yourself, you’re devaluing your own words’ worth and that is something you simply do NOT want to do. It’s poor for your health mentally, physically and emotionally. Remember, a blip in the road can be forgiven. You will learn from it. You’ll mature from it. You’ll even laugh about it one day. Multiple bad decisions are a whole other set of muddy waters. They require a complete overhaul of your thinking. That’s when you know you need to intervene and make changes. It’s better not to let yourself get to that point. You can recover from it. It’s just a fight I’d rather people didn’t put themselves through.

Decision making

You should level up on good decisions. When you make one, make another and another. Soon it’s going to be a habit and if you do make a bad one, you’ll call yourself up on it. You don’t need your mum or your best friend to pull you up. You will be self sufficient in doing your own self evaluation. People don’t like to take responsibility and accountability for what they do these days. It’s hard to acknowledge your own flaws! It’s even harder to admit them out aloud and then actively seek change!! What’s not hard is seeing the good effect of the changes and feeling the buzz of recognising your own achievements. When you know that you’re getting a bit too arrogant or boastful, or even lazy and lethargic about life in general, you don’t want to let it get so bad that someone who loves you gets concerned and then pulls you up on it. That’s embarrassing and also irresponsible. If you’re of sound mind and of a mature age, you should evaluate your own behaviour. Not to say that I haven’t made poor decisions in my life but I’ve been doing a self evaluation since I was eleven years old! Maybe even younger. If I’ve lost my way or I’m seemingly making questionable decisions, I’d be utterly ashamed and embarrassed to let it get to the point that someone has to pull me up on it! Although, if someone did and they had a point, I’d owe it to myself to acknowledge the mistake, move my mindset back to a positive attitude and to immediately regain focus on my ambitions. Not dwell. Not cry. Not start an argument. Just acknowledge the problem, alter my attitude and focus on the ambitions.

Attitude and Ambition

This website is http://www.attitudeandambition.com for a good reason. It’s because it’s all about levelling up on some great attitudes and achieving success of our ambitions.

I hope you take something positive away from my posts but at the same time, I like to think that I don’t sugarcoat things and push positivity down your throat. I’m positive, yes. I’m not deluded though. Everyone has a specific set of circumstances and the solutions they will require will be specific to them.

I try to offer universal advice that with a little thought can be adjusted to your own life. I’m not always going to say the right thing for you, although, my intention is to do exactly that. I am a mere human human mortal so it’s not always a battle I’ll perfect. I don’t think perfection is a realistic aim anyway. Who wants to be perfect?! I like my flawed social circle. I like the fact that I can be overly competitive. I love the fact that I overthink! If I didn’t have these traits, perhaps, I wouldn’t have learned some of the great things that I have. I’m all about making good changes. I always say that you should aim to be the best version of yourself. Even that’s going to be flawed. We just have to try our best. We don’t need to be perfect to enjoy the fruits of our labour. We just need to acknowledge our issues and face them head on. Hard work will bring about reward. Just believe.

This is written in purple pen and no, purple is not my favourite colour. It’s just a nice colour. 🙃

Steady Eddie January

My January wasn’t really that exciting (as can be confirmed with the quickly edited video above) but I just kept chipping away at it knowing that I’ll get something out of it at some point. It was very steady. I was bored a lot. I had a lot of things to do. I was feeling quite overwhelmed at times. I didn’t waste my time though. I pursued my to do list like it was a million dollars (except it wasn’t) and it was rewarding (not quite like seeing a million dollars in my bank account) getting to the end of that particular list. It was enough to make me feel like it wasn’t a wasted month. I got stuff done. As always though, there’s more stuff to do!

January blues – the cue to to end the blues

I did what I know how to do. I chose the method of trial and error until I finally cracked the case of ‘Miserable me’…. And so usually I’d cheer myself up with a power walk or some pancakes. It wasn’t working. I hopped off to go to the gym. It wasn’t working (FYI, I didn’t actually hop. I walked at a leisurely pace) I tried writing and indeed, I did write. I posted a few times. To be honest I wasn’t totally enthused by the majority of my content. (If anyone knows a writer, it’s not uncommon for one to say that. That’s about par for a writer!) Again, my trials continued and they were not working. I kept taking the fists in the face and then finally, I’d cracked it! Aha…I ended up in an argument defending my stance on something I’m very passionate about and even though, I was clearly factual in my points, I lost. I lost because the other person shouted louder. This did somehow awaken me. Apparently all I needed was someone to get on my nerves!

Getting out of the rut

I can give you a list of things to try and I have done so in past posts. You could also try the suggestions above (minus the pancake eating because that’s not all that healthy when it’s Nutella pancakes with whipped cream hah) but often, the best ways to get away from being blue involve going back to basics. YOUR version of basics. Not mine. My suggestions might work but in equal measure, they might not. You might need one thing or a combination of changes, or additions, to get you through. Trial and error tests your patience. It’s not the kindest of methods to learn yet it’s one of the most used in all matters of science and life. At least, when you go through a list of things, you figure out what doesn’t work and in future you won’t waste your time trying it. You’ll just fast forward to the things that do work.

The rights – Your rights

I’m going to go off on a tangent now. It’s fair warning….

I know I bang on about not giving up and persevering. I know it’s very annoying. Sorry, not sorry. People are so quick to throw things back these days. If they hear the same thing twice in the space of a week, they get offended and defensive. It annoys me. People complain and whinge about things that don’t change. Why don’t they change? Situations don’t change because the people don’t change! It really gets on my nerves!!! They don’t want my advice, however, they want the right to complain. My ears, my soul and my brain don’t want to absorb that negativity. Sometimes, after I leave these people, these thoughts circle in my head. Why? Because I care about the people. I want to help them but they don’t want to be helped. Those are the toughest cases to crack. I must be an idiot because I just don’t want to give up on them. I don’t care how many times they throw my positivity and my want to help them back in my face. They’re addicted to that vicious cycle of being negative and they need my help. I will pursue this cause. It seems like a lost cause. It might be. I will trial and error until I find the case to solving the ‘Miserables’ and when I do, I’ll be sure to treat myself to a six month vacation in the mountainous hills somewhere sunny and gorgeous. A glass of lemonade, a selection of fresh pastries and a view people would sell their right arm for…. One can dream. In fact you always should.

If you can’t dream and you can’t think positively, what can you do?! It’s a basic human right to be able to hope and to have ambition. People and situations in life can take a lot away from you. They can take away materials, money or worse, people . You should never let them take away your right to hope and dream. That’s something that is innately within us and to be honest, it is never taken away. What happens is people fall out of sync with their hopes and fall foul of the fear of failure. Dreams are not a sure fire route to failure. They are your joys and inhibitions meant to lift you up, not tie you down.

The takeaway today

Back to today’s topic. Today’s takeaway might well be pizza, a meaty slice (or three) of jalapeño stacked and cheese lathered, meaty goodness. That’s not the takeaway I’m focusing on though. The takeaway from this post? What can you take away from this post? Well, I’m human and so are you. That’s not supposed to be patronising. I guess what I’m trying to say is, well, every situation is specific to that particular individual. If you’re struggling with something in your personal or professional life, and you don’t know what to do about it? Maybe, try a few different things. Google is full of great and some very poor suggestions. I once read the best way to get over sadness is to go swimming. I mean there might be something scientifically beneficial about swimming that is indirectly related to sadness but I don’t buy it! If they’d have said exercise I’d be taking that information with a bit more seriousness. Swimming?!

You might have to struggle a little bit more to get through your struggle. In fact yesterday, I was listening to Bradley Martyn. This guy opened up a gym a year or so ago. He’s into being super fit and to be honest, I’ve seen some of his videos before and my takeaway from those vids was that he’s a nice, friendly dude who’s had his battles and (still does) but he pushes through. Like every other, he has hiccups but I respect that he’s honest and pushes through! Remember this. The battle is with yourself before it’s with anyone else! In his video (which I’ve conveniently inserted below ‘cos I’m nice like that) he talks about exactly what I harp on about and a bit more. In fact, I’ll stop talking and you should go watch that now!

You don’t have to listen to me. There isn’t any small print that’s going to cost you anything. If by any chance, I’ve helped you at all. I’m happy with that.

My last words, for this post anyway. Be the best you.

Yes, this is written on the back of a bubble tea receipt. If this in any way or shape offends you… idk just I’m sorry. I guess 😐

Need to change but can’t find a way? Let me help

“Change is hard but not changing is going to be harder” – a random IT graduate drinking a white cappuccino at Starbucks

If you’ve had enough of revolving around in the same circular motion, wait right there and I’m going to break this crap down to a mush! I hope after I’ve mashed this unmotivated malarkey to a mush, you’ll be as motivated as a man on a mission! Have you ever seen a man (or woman) on a mission?! Unstoppable they are! One aim. One goal. One human. *One result.

*And it’s not failure!

I don’t know where to start…

I should have purchased that cushion 🙄

I hear this a lot. I see this a lot. I have felt like this myself in the past … A lot! The fact is you don’t start change with a full on evaluation of everything. You start by changing one thing. Arguably, the first change should be your mindset but sometimes that acknowledgement is hard so instead of psyching yourself out, change one physical thing. That is a bloody good start. Most people don’t change anything so you’d be off to a brilliant start already. Insert high five moment. How? Well, easy does it, simple things are always good points for lift off. You could decide to wake up earlier in the day or go to sleep earlier to aid with the early mornings. You might want to embark on a healthier lifestyle so you might add a few power walks to your week or up your water intake. Whatever it is, one change at a time will start you off in the right direction!

Eventually after you’ve physically made two or three changes, you’ll find it easier to acknowledge and feel motivated enough to accept that your mindset is now changing. It’s very hard to simply quit old habits by just telling yourself. If that had worked in the first place, I wouldn’t have had a million repeatedly boring conversations with myself!!! The only thing that worked was being proactive and physically making adjustments and additions. By doing this, my mentality automatically changed as I could see the positive results of my new found direction in life.

Make a list – tick it off

So you’ve decided you want change. The next thing is to make a small list of (short term) achievable goals. Once you’ve managed to get through your list you’ll already be climbing that ladder towards your long term goal. You don’t need to plan the 100 steps to success. You just need to plan the next step to…the next step. I know it’s very simple and perhaps it’s patronising. You’d be surprised at how many people give up because they plan too far ahead. They are overwhelmed by all of the things they need to do in the future and quit without really starting at all. We’ve all heard the phrase Rome wasn’t built in a day but isn’t it a rock hard truth?! With any goal or target, you cannot expect instant change and you cannot give up at the first sign of trouble. You will never change if that’s the way you want to live. The doubters. The haters. The judgement. The lack of self worth. These people, these judgements and these unwanted negative emotions won’t leave you be until you leave them be. Forget wallowing in the negativity, make changes now or forever keep your peace! I guarantee though that if you do not actively seek change, you’ll never be at peace with yourself! As I say, make a list and tick it off. It could be a list of three things to start off with but a start is miles better then a stationary stop. You have to add mileage on that journey to your goal. Standing still and procrastinating will do diddly squat for you. In fact, that is the same as a dude (let’s call him Jonny) sat in his car ready to road trip the country with a full sized colourful map, a couple of packed bags and a boot full of snacks except he’s actively going absolutely nowhere. Why isn’t he leaving?! He seems to be waiting for a sign, a sign from the high heavens that is, before he slams down on the gas and drives his (seven times broken down) Chevy to leave. The perfect weather and the ideal circumstances will never be. The most ridiculous thing about that kind of mindset is if he’d have heard a screeching cat he would’ve got out of the car and decided against the road trip but if he’d have found a penny in his pocket, he’d have thought it was a good luck sign. It’s completely illogical! In an unmotivated and depressed mindset, you don’t often need much to put you off making positive changes. He simply has to put that foot down on the accelerator and leave! Go Jonny go go!

(Note: I don’t know why this guy has to drive a Chevrolet and it has to have broken down SEVEN times but it just adds to the point I feel 🤣)

Don’t quit at the first sign of trouble

Some troubles are hiccups and we overreact. Don’t run at the first sign of trouble. You can make it past the first hurdle.

I have alluded to this in the previous paragraph but you can’t give up. You know, motivation isn’t a pill you can take or a drink you can glug. It’s a conscious effort to change. Shouting at yourself in the mirror or throwing cold water in your face might work a few times however, eventually you’ll get used to that behaviour and there won’t be any effect of the shock you tried to galvanise yourself with. Small changes in small increments actually yield really big results because consistency is the key. Giving up? Well, that doesn’t provide consistency.

You don’t need to make promises!

You don’t need to make yourself any promises because once you break one promise to yourself, you’ll be more lenient on yourself and not keep any future promises. Instead of looking at change so rigidly, look at it like an optional change because at the end of the day, change is an option. When you look at things through a more optional lens, it’s easier to do and if you do make a mistake along the way, immediately forgive yourself and move on. That mistake was an option too. Accept that it was a bad choice and instead, make a better one moving forward.

This below is a great video that I found super useful and eye opening about how the way we think about ourselves in the past is what we believe will be our future, and then also how that isn’t actually true at all! It’s a lot more profound and intelligent then the way I’ve just described it and most definitely worth a listen.

People can change

You have to realise that the world is a big place with a lot of people but a lot of people don’t actually change. Very few do. You don’t want to be a part of the majority in this case because the majority is prepared to settle with the second, maybe even third or fourth best, version of themselves. I can’t live knowing I didn’t try when I had the opportunities to. You shouldn’t settle either. Where there’s a will, there’s a way! You can change!

Make moves.

Move in the right direction.

Change your trajectory if need be.

Don’t let bull**** thoughts or the hater crowd control your future.

Live your best life.

BE THE BEST YOU! ✊

Yes, this is written on the back of a bubble tea receipt and I do not apologise 🙃

Lack of motivation – The inner battle

Some mornings you’ll wake up as fresh as a daisy. Sure there’s the initial grogginess where you press snooze (a few dozen times) however once you commit to living the day, you’re as chipper as a kipper. On other mornings, it’s like you’ve been in twelve rounds with a heavyweight boxer except his punches weren’t physically hurtful, they were just reeaaallly demotivating. You could think of it as a video game. Two players. One aim. Both players are cursing and manically pressing the controllers so to beat the crap out of the other until finally one has the strength level diminished to zero. Of course, you can’t underestimate those in between mornings as well where your mood is neither here nor there. The thing is after you wake up (whatever mood you’re in) the decision is yours with how you want to move forward with your day. If you want to be happy Max or moaning Minnie, that’s right royally up to you!

How to get motivated?

First things first, motivation isn’t a pill or a drink. You can’t glug it down and expect instant results. Nor is it an aesthetic issue. You can’t cover it up with some makeup.

You can’t cover up the cracks on the inside like you can a mark on your face

It’s a mental challenge. Mental challenges are the toughest kind whether they’re personal, professional or social life related. Why? It’s because where mental health is concerned there’s a level of accountability every day. As you can see with the rate of depression soaring around the world, mental health is clearly something the world needs to wise up on!!! Social media, cultural expectations and constant judgement (both online and offline) are hard to get away from. You can’t just cut yourself off from the world so a solution must be found. Loneliness most certainly is not the cure. In fact it’s probably one of the main causes!

The issue is that it’s not always possible for people to help. A lot of people have their own struggles and a lot of people can’t give you the time you want. Don’t get me wrong…..Other people are great. Their support cannot go unnoticed. Although, the best place you can start that healing process is from within.

You are an individual. I am an individual. Every other freakin’ person is an individual. Humans don’t fit into ven diagrams. We are so specific and different. We have similarities too but the life we live must cater for our circumstances as best we can. I might like mint ice cream. Another person might like vanilla. Another is allergic to dairy so can’t eat it. We definitely can’t be put into ven diagrams! With that in mind, the motivation and the sources from where you will draw your inspiration from will be varied and different. The one factor that you can rely on is your ability to change your mindset. To adapt to difficult situations. To make the best decisions for yourself. Since the beginning of humankind, people have had to adapt and survive. When you are sick your body starts fighting back. When you’re scared the adrenaline kicks in. When you’re hungry, your body starts to use your fat reserves. You could argue that these are natural and innate reactions. Yes I agree. My counter argument is that this is all from within yourself. Whether you have consciousness over it or not it doesn’t matter. The point is you help you. Your decision to keep a healthy mindset and lean on the side of positivity will pull you out of the rut. It will provide motivation in ten fold for the effort you exude trying to achieve it. The results of your motivation will yield a happiness that nobody else can provide for you.

How can I motivate myself?

Think sunny blue skies and set off on your day with a smile.

It’s simple. The solution is simple. If you think of the solution as anything other than simple then it’s going to be a hard time. I’ve listed a few things which I’m sure you’ve heard a million times but reinforcing them can’t be any harm.

    Take deep breaths when you are feeling overwhelmed. You know you could even try yoga or meditation. You don’t have to join a class. There are plenty of online tutorials.
    Eat healthier and make your own food where possible (it’s fun to try new recipes, way cheaper than eating out and you know exactly what’s in it)
    Keep hydrated at all times. A hydrated human is surely automatically a happier human.
    Exercise a few times a week. Walking. Swimming. Gym. All great options. Get those endorphins out!
    Make a list and tick it off. Every time there’s a new thing to do, write it down. Every time you finish a task, tick it off. You don’t want a list as long as your arm so prioritise too. A lot of the time we mentally exhaust ourselves with the amount of things we think we need to do by a certain time. If it can wait do the more pressing tasks first. If you can delegate….. then delegate!

Obviously this list isn’t exhaustive but simple changes are the start to your journey of being able to manage your motivation. As I said earlier, motivation isn’t a pill or something you can drink. It’s something you have to manage. It’s not as hard as you might think once you get going. It’s just like brushing your teeth. You brush your teeth to keep them clean and your mouth free of bacteria. It’s horrible when you can feel food on your teeth isn’t it?! So, in the same way we wouldn’t want to mismanage our teeth, you wouldn’t want to mismanage your motivation

The journey – start to finish

Homer Simpson is not the greatest example but even he had to pay the price from time to time

When you embark on any mission to better yourself as a human being, the first few changes and decisions will be hard to follow purely because you’re not used to the new path. One of my favourite speakers is Grant Cardone. I recommend you go follow him on Instagram because aside from some great advice, he’s also a funny, vastly life experienced and intelligent guy with many great stories to tell. I saw a video of his where he was saying that “you have to pay the price” and it’s so true! Troubles come but they also go. You will adjust. You will see a positive pattern. You will be grateful for travelling through the crap later on. The tough days and the challenges are what make the sweetness of achievement so sweet. How many times do you hear no pain no gain? Now, I’m not saying that you need to cause yourself pain however, you have to survive a tough or challenging situation before you can see the fruits of your effort. Nothing comes free. Nobody can fix the inner you. You are your own keeper. You have to accept responsibility at some point or you’ll just move from one sad movie scene to another. A Hollywood A-List party life isn’t always realistic (for most of us) but happiness is. I can’t expect the red carpet to come out every time I enter a building but I don’t have to walk in with a face like a slapped backside.

Treat yourself now and again

Most of us aren’t Olympic athletes or professional sportsmen/sportswomen, or politicians or spies that need special protection. We don’t have to hide ourselves and deprive ourselves of things because we might not be able to compete in the next competition or we might be seen grabbing a juice and all of a sudden, our cover is blown! When you set a goal or target you should also set in between treats and the big treat for when you have achieved your goal. For example a third of the way through your goal you might buy yourself a pair of shoes you had your eye on. Two thirds of the way through you take yourself and a mate out for a cheeky dessert. At the point of realising the achievement, you could book yourself a mini break. For me personally, I like trying new foods and drinks so recently I treated myself to a bubble tea.

Chocolate and vanilla milk bubble tea. Verdict 7/10. Should’ve bought a smoothie.

You can make it happen

I used to think that I can’t expect anything other than maximum effort from myself. I liked the idea of being the best and the plaudits, the recognition and the feeling of accomplishment. I didn’t factor in life experience at that point. I was young, naive and pretty unaware how things outside of your control can impact you. Yet, that same energy I put into misguided blissful ignorance is now a mindset where I alleviate myself of pressure. I expect maximum effort still with a careful consideration to other factors in my life. If I’m sick I’m not going to exhaust myself on a treadmill and then come home pressuring myself to write a thousand words. It’s maximum effort with a margin allowed for off days, bad judgements and errors. Most people are their own worst critic. I am probably no different. I’ve just learned to give myself a break. As much as the responsibility of your own motivation, your life, is in your hands, it’s also necessary to give yourself a break now and again too.

Without further ado, go be the best you!

Yes this is written on the back of a receipt because I like to be authentic about my writing experience

How do I recover?

This world can lift you up or take you down in a matter of seconds. It’s quite funny really. You mightn’t even know it until long past the actual instance. High as a kite one minute and as low as the oceanic depths in another. Well, I say it’s funny but it’s less haha and more, ugh.

Sun and rain equals rainbow. Life though, doesn’t always follow simple understandable mathematics.

Don’t expect the logical explanation

A sunny day could cloud your judgement and a wet walk in the rain could clear your mind. Things don’t always work in the way you might think or want. Sometimes logic will fail us and instead taking a (calculated) risk will make us. The simplest mathematical equation of A+B=C could fail. If A is 0 then that equation surely does fail as actually then A+B=B so the question is how do we know? How do we know which way is best?!

The fact is you have to make mistakes, be prepared to error as for every trial you must take, your understanding will surely be better. There’ll be days where you’ll taste defeat but you’ll learn, eat and sleep to find a wiser head on those shoulders.

You don’t see a way out?!

Don’t be disheartened and I know it sounds foolish to give you a pep talk over an internet connection but sometimes to get out of a tough spot, you have to do away with good old convention.

Life is like a punnet of peaches. Sometimes, so sublimely sweet and succulent and at others, sour and texturally disappointing. You cannot go through life falling at a hurdle only to get up and expect to fall at every other hurdle. Some hurdles are small and others are (you guessed it!) tall. What is the point in conning yourself out of your human right of having confidence to falsely believe that even the smallest hurdle will be a mountain that you simply can’t get over?! You can! In life, it’s not a sprint where you need to keep momentum at a heavy pace. It’s a marathon. This race is not as strict as humans and the media make it out to be. You won’t get disqualified if you bend the rules a little. If the hurdle is genuinely one that you feel you will topple into then walk around it. Maybe even duck under it. Take help if it’s available to you. Some people have a complex about accepting help. Let me put it this way… If you were to help someone would you feel shame? I’m pretty sure you’d not. So in the same fashion, why is it such a bad thing to accept help? If it’s the little nudge you need to do bigger and better things, take it. Help is one of the mercies we have in this universe. It’s more than okay to accept it from time to time.

Sometimes staring into the distance and watching people walk by is the most calming thing you can do. Watch others hurry and waddle past. Everyone has a struggle but as long as you keep moving positively, there’s surely a way past.

Human vs Human

The world is not uniform. We’re all human but we’re also different. In fact, we are a beautifully, wonderful concoction of a contradiction. Us humans, that is. We are the same and yet, we are not.

You must absorb the fact that other people succeed as a positive proof and example that you can too! Whatever it is that you want to do to make your life better… you can do! Equally, where people fall short or to be blunt, fail, you can learn from other people’s’ mistakes. You don’t always have to make your own haha! Sometimes, learning from someone else will suffice.

See, this is learning. I have learnt that I am more a savoury breakfast fan than a sweet breakfast fan. I am most definitely a breakfast and lunch separately kind of person too. None of that brunch nonsense!

Personal experience

I personally have had tumbles, trips, falls and many a false start and truthfully, giving up sounds like the most upsetting, unfair and unequivocally unjust way to treat myself! What has all the ruckus, perseverance, risk and effort been for?! What would all that work be for to fall flat now?! Voluntarily at that. To fall flat out of effort, I can accept because at least I would have tried but to fall foul of false disbelief and simple laziness would send me into a vicious self loathing cycle that I honestly can’t be bothered with. It would be an insult to myself. There are enough people in the world ready to troll you, you most certainly don’t need to insult yourself too!!!

Fact is…..Don’t let other people stamp on you but don’t be a lemon and stamp on yourself either! Always. Believe. In. Yourself.

It’s the same for you. For me. Everyone.

I have something you don’t have

Everyone has something that someone else doesn’t have. Everyone. Jamie from Southend might be a fast runner but he can’t run a marathon. Why? He doesn’t have the stamina or the patience. Ibrahim from Kenya might not be quite as quick but he’ll run two marathons back to back and be ready to go again in no time at all. Why? He’s used to the heat and running long hours so he’s gathered great endurance. Looking at it another way, Jamie might have come from a very low income background however he has a massive family network so he’s confident and assured in himself, win or lose. Ibrahim could be the wealthiest man in his hometown and have the love of all his country yet he’s lonely, insecure and can’t handle the pressure of success or failure. Jamie can hold his breath under water for two minutes. Ibrahim can somersault and backflip. Jamie can fly fish. Ibrahim can milk a cow. Jamie played as a goal keeper for his school team where as Ibrahim was a striker. Jamie plays the saxophone. Ibrahim loves a game of chess. What makes you different?! We all have something. Don’t look at other people. Look at yourself.

Forget the other person in your eye line. Focus on your own path.

What makes you special?

Everyone has something that differentiates them and makes them unique. What you have to do is figure out which of your differentiations gives you a positive advantage and a leverage so you can get that extra push to get you to be the best version of yourself! Forget everyone else! Focus on yourself. Simple.

The gap under the bridge is small but that’s not how a human should think. We should be free like the water under the bridge.

If I accept that I am average and I don’t believe in being able to better myself then I should never ever give anyone any positive advice! Never. Why? Because that’s quite literally the active definition of hypocrisy and the saying do as I say not as I do. You’re only average because you’re focusing on the things that you can’t do or the things you haven’t even tried. When you focus on what you can do and that you will be able to do if you keep trying, guess what? The world suddenly opens up. You see things in a different light. You can see the wood from the trees and the honey from the bees! Life begins again.

The human code

As humans we are a combination of traits and looking at things through a single lens doesn’t tell you anything. You can’t look at a human being and know for a fact what is and isn’t true about them. You can dislike or envy aesthetic appearance, be jealous of (or respect) their social status or question the genuineness of their demeanour yet still you won’t know. Not for sure anyway. Until you live inside the heart and mind of a person, how can you tell them what that they are or aren’t capable of?! You can’t. Not really. So if you can’t tell other people of their limits because you don’t really know them then it’s only logical to think that you should ignore other people when they tell you! Ignore them! You know what’s inside your heart and mind. You know the trials and tribulations you have come through. You know your faults and your actual limitations. Don’t let other people put their narrow minded limitations on you. YOU know YOURSELF best.

People keep sticking their nose in my business

I’m tired of being told to sit my ass down because I don’t fit or I’m never going to get there. The ‘there’ they speak of… I’ve never mentioned it. I haven’t specified a location. If anything the location is me! All I said was I want to be the best version of myself. People say:

  • Don’t dream because dreams aren’t a reality
  • You can’t do it as it’s not realistic
  • You’re not cut out for that kind of life
  • People like you don’t get that kind of success because you’re in that majority margin of ‘normal’
  • You think you’re going to be a somebody but you’re just going to be somebody they’ll laugh at for being a nobody

I just look at the heavens in the sky and say thank you. I have blessings and glad tidings other people would sacrifice their livelihoods for. I focus on my work ethic not other people’s’ nonsense

The list goes on and to be honest, these are some of the more milder examples. I don’t care. I stopped caring when I realised that people would be upset no matter what I did. I thought the majority would be happy when I took route A and somehow they weren’t so I redirected to route B! True as the day is long, they were still upset when I changed directions to take route B instead of A! Except more people were unhappy. I didn’t quite know how. Truth is……You can’t please everyone but you can please yourself. A positive attitude is vital and just focus on your ambitions.

I believe in you. Do. It.

Promise to do your best

You want to move forward. You want to improve. You want to be the best possible version of yourself!! It’s not happening, why?!

You have to accept two things;

  1. Failure is the key to success. That slap in the face will teach you more than anything that you will have found easy
  2. You can’t promise yourself something and then break your own heart by disregarding that promise

What is the root cause?

The biggest mistakes we make as individuals is when we break the promises we make with ourselves and then we convince ourselves that initial failure is the end of the line. We give up. Why?! A setback is an opportunity to re-evaluate and go again. Athletes get injured and they go away to recover, recuperate and what what do they then do? They come back and go again.

How to get through?

We CAN keep the promise and it’s NOT the end of the road. Perhaps, the idea was to lose weight, be financially smarter or to give up caffeine. Sometimes we want to add things like structure to our plans, to go exercise a few times a week, spend some good ol’ quality time with the family or (like me) start focusing on the blog. The exact second we break the promise with ourselves, we feel guilty and the majority of the time we just pretend we didn’t make that promise or we push it back for when the time is right. If you keep circling in this cycle, the time will never be right. Cut the crap. Start your journey to change. No other way to say it.

Its not even like the promises are unrealistic. The promises people generally make to themselves (more often than not) are not only achievable but very realistic. We only need maintain a bit of self belief and add a little more discipline to get there. Living life….. It was never meant to be rocket science! We overthink and complicate everything.

Right now, I want to lessen the amount of times I snack. I don’t need to do a spreadsheet on my snacking calorific intake for the week. I don’t need to call a dietitian. I don’t need to stress. I just need to avoid those unnecessary unhealthy snacks in between meal times.  I do like a good bag of doritos or a quick gobble of a bag of maltesers but it’s no good doing that on the daily. I know that and I know the solution. Instead I can opt for some fruit, veg or nuts and of course I could top up on H2O hydration levels. If I start worrying about every snack I won’t be able to have, it’ll overwhelm me and I’ll probably head right down to get a snack. It’s counter-intuitive. Relax your mind. And you know taking deep breaths isn’t a myth. It bloody works!

Keep the promises. You deserve to be the best version of yourself. If you tripped up it’s okay. Life is for learning, living and loving. When you trip up, you learn. The more you learn, the more you can love. The more you love, the more you’re living. Be confident in your abilities. One kind act. One good thought. One brave decision. All it takes.

Change is hard but regrets hit harder….

A little step forward, day by day, indeed in time it will go a long way.