How do I recover?

This world can lift you up or take you down in a matter of seconds. It’s quite funny really. You mightn’t even know it until long past the actual instance. High as a kite one minute and as low as the oceanic depths in another. Well, I say it’s funny but it’s less haha and more, ugh.

Sun and rain equals rainbow. Life though, doesn’t always follow simple understandable mathematics.

Don’t expect the logical explanation

A sunny day could cloud your judgement and a wet walk in the rain could clear your mind. Things don’t always work in the way you might think or want. Sometimes logic will fail us and instead taking a (calculated) risk will make us. The simplest mathematical equation of A+B=C could fail. If A is 0 then that equation surely does fail as actually then A+B=B so the question is how do we know? How do we know which way is best?!

The fact is you have to make mistakes, be prepared to error as for every trial you must take, your understanding will surely be better. There’ll be days where you’ll taste defeat but you’ll learn, eat and sleep to find a wiser head on those shoulders.

You don’t see a way out?!

Don’t be disheartened and I know it sounds foolish to give you a pep talk over an internet connection but sometimes to get out of a tough spot, you have to do away with good old convention.

Life is like a punnet of peaches. Sometimes, so sublimely sweet and succulent and at others, sour and texturally disappointing. You cannot go through life falling at a hurdle only to get up and expect to fall at every other hurdle. Some hurdles are small and others are (you guessed it!) tall. What is the point in conning yourself out of your human right of having confidence to falsely believe that even the smallest hurdle will be a mountain that you simply can’t get over?! You can! In life, it’s not a sprint where you need to keep momentum at a heavy pace. It’s a marathon. This race is not as strict as humans and the media make it out to be. You won’t get disqualified if you bend the rules a little. If the hurdle is genuinely one that you feel you will topple into then walk around it. Maybe even duck under it. Take help if it’s available to you. Some people have a complex about accepting help. Let me put it this way… If you were to help someone would you feel shame? I’m pretty sure you’d not. So in the same fashion, why is it such a bad thing to accept help? If it’s the little nudge you need to do bigger and better things, take it. Help is one of the mercies we have in this universe. It’s more than okay to accept it from time to time.

Sometimes staring into the distance and watching people walk by is the most calming thing you can do. Watch others hurry and waddle past. Everyone has a struggle but as long as you keep moving positively, there’s surely a way past.

Human vs Human

The world is not uniform. We’re all human but we’re also different. In fact, we are a beautifully, wonderful concoction of a contradiction. Us humans, that is. We are the same and yet, we are not.

You must absorb the fact that other people succeed as a positive proof and example that you can too! Whatever it is that you want to do to make your life better… you can do! Equally, where people fall short or to be blunt, fail, you can learn from other people’s’ mistakes. You don’t always have to make your own haha! Sometimes, learning from someone else will suffice.

See, this is learning. I have learnt that I am more a savoury breakfast fan than a sweet breakfast fan. I am most definitely a breakfast and lunch separately kind of person too. None of that brunch nonsense!

Personal experience

I personally have had tumbles, trips, falls and many a false start and truthfully, giving up sounds like the most upsetting, unfair and unequivocally unjust way to treat myself! What has all the ruckus, perseverance, risk and effort been for?! What would all that work be for to fall flat now?! Voluntarily at that. To fall flat out of effort, I can accept because at least I would have tried but to fall foul of false disbelief and simple laziness would send me into a vicious self loathing cycle that I honestly can’t be bothered with. It would be an insult to myself. There are enough people in the world ready to troll you, you most certainly don’t need to insult yourself too!!!

Fact is…..Don’t let other people stamp on you but don’t be a lemon and stamp on yourself either! Always. Believe. In. Yourself.

It’s the same for you. For me. Everyone.

I have something you don’t have

Everyone has something that someone else doesn’t have. Everyone. Jamie from Southend might be a fast runner but he can’t run a marathon. Why? He doesn’t have the stamina or the patience. Ibrahim from Kenya might not be quite as quick but he’ll run two marathons back to back and be ready to go again in no time at all. Why? He’s used to the heat and running long hours so he’s gathered great endurance. Looking at it another way, Jamie might have come from a very low income background however he has a massive family network so he’s confident and assured in himself, win or lose. Ibrahim could be the wealthiest man in his hometown and have the love of all his country yet he’s lonely, insecure and can’t handle the pressure of success or failure. Jamie can hold his breath under water for two minutes. Ibrahim can somersault and backflip. Jamie can fly fish. Ibrahim can milk a cow. Jamie played as a goal keeper for his school team where as Ibrahim was a striker. Jamie plays the saxophone. Ibrahim loves a game of chess. What makes you different?! We all have something. Don’t look at other people. Look at yourself.

Forget the other person in your eye line. Focus on your own path.

What makes you special?

Everyone has something that differentiates them and makes them unique. What you have to do is figure out which of your differentiations gives you a positive advantage and a leverage so you can get that extra push to get you to be the best version of yourself! Forget everyone else! Focus on yourself. Simple.

The gap under the bridge is small but that’s not how a human should think. We should be free like the water under the bridge.

If I accept that I am average and I don’t believe in being able to better myself then I should never ever give anyone any positive advice! Never. Why? Because that’s quite literally the active definition of hypocrisy and the saying do as I say not as I do. You’re only average because you’re focusing on the things that you can’t do or the things you haven’t even tried. When you focus on what you can do and that you will be able to do if you keep trying, guess what? The world suddenly opens up. You see things in a different light. You can see the wood from the trees and the honey from the bees! Life begins again.

The human code

As humans we are a combination of traits and looking at things through a single lens doesn’t tell you anything. You can’t look at a human being and know for a fact what is and isn’t true about them. You can dislike or envy aesthetic appearance, be jealous of (or respect) their social status or question the genuineness of their demeanour yet still you won’t know. Not for sure anyway. Until you live inside the heart and mind of a person, how can you tell them what that they are or aren’t capable of?! You can’t. Not really. So if you can’t tell other people of their limits because you don’t really know them then it’s only logical to think that you should ignore other people when they tell you! Ignore them! You know what’s inside your heart and mind. You know the trials and tribulations you have come through. You know your faults and your actual limitations. Don’t let other people put their narrow minded limitations on you. YOU know YOURSELF best.

People keep sticking their nose in my business

I’m tired of being told to sit my ass down because I don’t fit or I’m never going to get there. The ‘there’ they speak of… I’ve never mentioned it. I haven’t specified a location. If anything the location is me! All I said was I want to be the best version of myself. People say:

  • Don’t dream because dreams aren’t a reality
  • You can’t do it as it’s not realistic
  • You’re not cut out for that kind of life
  • People like you don’t get that kind of success because you’re in that majority margin of ‘normal’
  • You think you’re going to be a somebody but you’re just going to be somebody they’ll laugh at for being a nobody

I just look at the heavens in the sky and say thank you. I have blessings and glad tidings other people would sacrifice their livelihoods for. I focus on my work ethic not other people’s’ nonsense

The list goes on and to be honest, these are some of the more milder examples. I don’t care. I stopped caring when I realised that people would be upset no matter what I did. I thought the majority would be happy when I took route A and somehow they weren’t so I redirected to route B! True as the day is long, they were still upset when I changed directions to take route B instead of A! Except more people were unhappy. I didn’t quite know how. Truth is……You can’t please everyone but you can please yourself. A positive attitude is vital and just focus on your ambitions.

I believe in you. Do. It.

Promise to do your best

You want to move forward. You want to improve. You want to be the best possible version of yourself!! It’s not happening, why?!

You have to accept two things;

  1. Failure is the key to success. That slap in the face will teach you more than anything that you will have found easy
  2. You can’t promise yourself something and then break your own heart by disregarding that promise

What is the root cause?

The biggest mistakes we make as individuals is when we break the promises we make with ourselves and then we convince ourselves that initial failure is the end of the line. We give up. Why?! A setback is an opportunity to re-evaluate and go again. Athletes get injured and they go away to recover, recuperate and what what do they then do? They come back and go again.

How to get through?

We CAN keep the promise and it’s NOT the end of the road. Perhaps, the idea was to lose weight, be financially smarter or to give up caffeine. Sometimes we want to add things like structure to our plans, to go exercise a few times a week, spend some good ol’ quality time with the family or (like me) start focusing on the blog. The exact second we break the promise with ourselves, we feel guilty and the majority of the time we just pretend we didn’t make that promise or we push it back for when the time is right. If you keep circling in this cycle, the time will never be right. Cut the crap. Start your journey to change. No other way to say it.

Its not even like the promises are unrealistic. The promises people generally make to themselves (more often than not) are not only achievable but very realistic. We only need maintain a bit of self belief and add a little more discipline to get there. Living life….. It was never meant to be rocket science! We overthink and complicate everything.

Right now, I want to lessen the amount of times I snack. I don’t need to do a spreadsheet on my snacking calorific intake for the week. I don’t need to call a dietitian. I don’t need to stress. I just need to avoid those unnecessary unhealthy snacks in between meal times.  I do like a good bag of doritos or a quick gobble of a bag of maltesers but it’s no good doing that on the daily. I know that and I know the solution. Instead I can opt for some fruit, veg or nuts and of course I could top up on H2O hydration levels. If I start worrying about every snack I won’t be able to have, it’ll overwhelm me and I’ll probably head right down to get a snack. It’s counter-intuitive. Relax your mind. And you know taking deep breaths isn’t a myth. It bloody works!

Keep the promises. You deserve to be the best version of yourself. If you tripped up it’s okay. Life is for learning, living and loving. When you trip up, you learn. The more you learn, the more you can love. The more you love, the more you’re living. Be confident in your abilities. One kind act. One good thought. One brave decision. All it takes.

Change is hard but regrets hit harder….

A little step forward, day by day, indeed in time it will go a long way.