life struggle, mental health, Motivation

Tired of my own humour and insecurities

Sometimes, I get tired of my own humour and insecurities. I’m fed up of making the same jokes when I meet new people. I’m fed up of looking at my own stupid insecurities and making them into bigger problems than what they are. I’m tired of (occasionally) allowing hypocrisy into my life. I’m fatigued from falling flat on my face with new ideas that just don’t work out BUT I don’t want to change. Why?! It’s through these exact rollercoasters of emotions, trials and tribulations that I do get results. That might not work for everyone, it’s a human specific criteria but I fit that criteria like a piece of meat (or a veggie burger) fits in a sandwich bun!

My ass wants to give up sometimes

My ass wants to give up too sometimes. I don’t like that failure feeling. I loathe the lethargy that lingers when you get hit with that laziness. I hate it! What can I do?! The questions I ask myself … What can I do? What can I physically and mentally do?

Sometimes I can’t do anything. Sometimes doing nothing and laying in bed for ten or fifteen minutes just contemplating life and simultaneously taking deep breaths is the BEST damn thing that I can do! Perfection isn’t possible. Aiming for that is like me aiming to be the richest person in the world with the most humble life. It’s a contradiction and a stupidity. If I was rich I can tell you right now I’d have a car, a business (or ten) and I’d be eating organic all the time! People with humble lives don’t even own their home and they don’t have luxuries. If they’re eating organic it’s because they grow their own food not because they have a bank balance that can order the best coffee from the other side of the world or request to get fresh OJ from fresh oranges over the courtyard in a mansion from across the seventeen other mansions on their street! Now, I am NOT a money maintaining maniac. I don’t have any of that but what I’m saying is perfection isn’t real. I want to be the best that I can be and I KNOW that even that will be nowhere near perfect.

Dreams aren’t a reality or are they?

I’m super sure that we all know people that do dream and those that don’t dream but step on your dreams, right?! I’m going to be super honest and let you know that those people exist in my very own circle! It’s very hard to keep pushing forward when people keep on pulling you back. It’s like a stress and strain equation except I don’t know if I’m a stress or if I’m causing myself the strain!! Let’s take right now as an example, I’ve made some tough decisions over the last year with regards to my career and happiness and I’m still trying to figure out if they’re good ones. I don’t know for sure if they were right now. All I know is they were made with good intentions and there have been some vital lessons learned and some amazing moments that I wouldn’t have been afforded otherwise. What I do know is that I now have some ideas and opportunities that I didn’t have before, for sure. I also know that financially the last year hasn’t been great. I can admit that. The money train hasn’t always kept flowing. You know, I used to look at savings like something I’d like to have however something that wasn’t entirely necessary. Almost as if having savings was an arrogance. I don’t like arrogance and even though I possess a slight hint of it in my personality, it’s not an attractive trait in any relationship whether in the workplace or in your real personal life. That changed. Some stuff went down and then I realised that savings aren’t an arrogance, they’re a damn necessity! Not just for your own ass but for those you love and care about. Anything can happen and although I do believe money doesn’t bring you happiness, I do believe that it can get you out of trouble. If you have an emergency and you need to go somewhere,money will buy you petrol or a train ticket. If you’ve been feeling unwell or having issues, money can buy you healthcare options. If you hear that someone is having a hard time then that same money affords you the ability to improve their mood with a gift. Money is not a right total solution to everything but it IS a solution to SOME things. Don’t let other people dampen your financial dreams because they can’t see outside of the vicinity of where they sit their own financially dependent ass!

Human but different

“Girl you might have a prettier face and a purse to match it but you still do that same doo doo and it smells too! Do you understand me?!” – Lady at Waterloo station.

I am different and you are different to me. We’re all human but different. Race, colour, socioeconomic backgrounds…. Whatever?! That’s not the point. If you are a human then you have that basic intelligence innately pre-set in you to know that you are different from the any other human. Even twins are different! You have to realise that your circumstances and life situations call for a specific set of decisions and courage. Some people have to be courageous about their working hours because of their familial responsibilities. They have to sacrifice time with their families to provide for them. That’s hard but it’s a necessity for them. Some people have health issues and the courage for them is getting through each day without losing hope. We should all abide by the law of getting through each day without losing hope. It’s just magnified for those less fortunate, not only for those with physical health problems but mental, emotion and financial troubles too.

My ass is not giving up today

Who knows what the future holds?! I don’t. I can plan and persevere however much I want but I still don’t know what the future might hold! I don’t know. It’s not about that though!!! It’s about giving yourself a chance. It’s about enjoying the moments and making certain sacrifices so that if you are afforded a future on earth… You can do things and you can make a difference positively for yourself and those that you love. Even better if you do something for the world! I have felt fatigued and worried recently. I’ve even had to go to the doctor about it. I was so anxious and in a perpetual state of overthinking, it probably made that entire couple of weeks worse. I got past it with a little bit of vitamin supplementation (as advised by my doctor and a blood test), a little ionic positivity and a gratefulness that you only seem to feel when you feel like crap haha!

I’m super grateful and wanting to be happy. I still have my insecurities, my list of issues and concerns. I also have hope, people that love me and a want to do great things boosted by a motivation that burns like the midnight oil. That’s four to three. A good ratio for the positivity in me. I’ll take that and I’ll run with it! Whatever that it is that is going for you and there’ll be something, use it and take it to go get you places! Tell me where you go too because not only am I here to share with you my personal journey but I want to know where you go too.

Peace.

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